I'm a peculiar old soul.
After the potential hammer blow struck, that first night I actually slept rather (well, slightly) better than I had in a long time.
After the potential hammer blow struck, that first night I actually slept rather (well, slightly) better than I had in a long time.
Perhaps fear is the key after all, and knowledge, however unpleasant, is far easier to deal with?
Anyhow, whatever it was, I found myself awake in the slightly less small hours of the morning and, as they often do, my anxieties took the form of haiku in order to get processed, so you can see exactly where my mind was the morning after...
A life torpedoed
The future's terrifying
Stares into abyss
Wondering just how
Someone normally quite bright
Can feel so dim?
Suddenly the world
Seems terrifyingly big
And yet very small
Can't shake that feeling
That achieving a failure
Lets everyone down
Ought to go away
Whilst I'm simply processing -
Pay no attention
Later on that evening I was waxing almost poetical (Well, I find "waxing doggerelical" doesn't quite work as a phrase)...
I shall wallow for a while
For wallowing's what I do
And after a while of wallowing
I may well decide to stew
In response to the kindness of strangers (and certain people I've allowed to become strangers), who were nice enough to indulge my mad meanderings in a tolerant light, when I had chosen to share them in the great miasma.
The thing is that I've had this "Scrapheap" blog poised and ready to go for years, just in case... and it may yet turn out to be a very short-lived blog, or perhaps an epic... For the moment, despite the fact that the prospect has troubled me for years, that aspect remains unknown and I may receive valid accusations of falling into an overly melodramatic response.
Mind you, for several years now (on and off), I've used the strange realm that is blogging to - perhaps unwisely - to process my thinking upon all manner of things that have troubled me, so I don't suppose I should apologise for doing more of that here, although I suspect that doing so might not necessarily be the smartest way to deal with things at a time when keeping schtum might be the better approach.
At the moment I'm merely loitering in some kind of limbo and so, perhaps, that is where these thoughts ought to stay...
The thing is that I've had this "Scrapheap" blog poised and ready to go for years, just in case... and it may yet turn out to be a very short-lived blog, or perhaps an epic... For the moment, despite the fact that the prospect has troubled me for years, that aspect remains unknown and I may receive valid accusations of falling into an overly melodramatic response.
Mind you, for several years now (on and off), I've used the strange realm that is blogging to - perhaps unwisely - to process my thinking upon all manner of things that have troubled me, so I don't suppose I should apologise for doing more of that here, although I suspect that doing so might not necessarily be the smartest way to deal with things at a time when keeping schtum might be the better approach.
At the moment I'm merely loitering in some kind of limbo and so, perhaps, that is where these thoughts ought to stay...
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